Having a "growth mindset" as opposed to a "fixed mindset"

A friend of mine, in the area of health and fitness, had given me good advice when I was feeling stuck in my mid-twenties. It was over a year ago, but I still remember his personal story and the advice he gave me - that it would help me to focus on what matters to me, to stop comparing myself to others, and to remember that some of our heroes, his being Abraham Lincoln, had a lot of setbacks before they ended up how we now know them for.

He recommended that I read the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. The idea here, like cognitive therapy, is that people can be really affected by how the think about situations. According to Dweck, there is a fixed mindset, one where we believe that who we are is fixed, or a growth mindset, where we believe that we can learn and improve upon what we don't yet have. She made this discovery upon watching children approach challenging problems: some shied away from them, fearing failure, and others appreciated them, seeing "challenges" and an opportunity to learn. One mindset is quite clearly favored over the other.

"Believing that your qualities are carved in stone - the fixed mindset - creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character - well, then you'd better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn't do to look or feal deficient in these most basic characteristics...Every situation is evaluated: Will I succeed or fail? Will I look smart or dumb? Will I be accepted or rejected?"

"In the [growth] mindset, the hand you're dealt is just the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way - in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments - everyone can change and grow through application and experience."

Children how you speak to people. Smartness.

My own difficulty in thinking about personalities being fixed.

I like what Dweck writes here: "Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it's not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives."